The Power of Permissions

This week I ran an online workshop on Power Dynamics as part of the TA Tribe Foundation programme.

We focussed mainly on ego states and transactions - how we invite others to take personal power from us, or how we might take it from others.  We explored symbiosis - how we might get into unhealthy relationships where neither party are using their full set of ego state resources.  We could have looked more closely at psychological contracting - understanding we have a right (power!) to ask for what we want.  And we could have also looked at Rackets (loops of self-limiting beliefs).  We only had six hours!  And what we did cover facilitated interesting discussions and sharing of learning and experience.

We briefly talked about discounting - when we leave people out of a conversation, event, project etc we use our power in a negative way.  The opposite - accounting - is much more powerful!   Including, encouraging, supporting people to contribute.

We also briefly talked about strokes and stroking patterns - how we do not 'hear' some strokes (a stroke is a unit of recognition - so a thank you, being listened to, appreciated).  Filtering out strokes is a way of preventing ourselves from being potent - ie, powerful!

Permissions are powerful.  The permissions we give to others can have a profound affect.  I was given a 'bullseye' permission by Jean Illsley-Clarke (a much respected human being and TA trainer and author) when I first met her in 2004 that I treasure and have never forgotten.  Do not underestimate the power of permissions!

What I mean here, is a supportive, verbalised (but not always) recognition of our beings and our abilities.  A manager actively listening to a team member could be seen as that manager giving permission to think.  Encouraging someone to contribute to a team meeting may be a permission to belong etc.

In this blog, I want to concentrate on the permissions we might give to ourselves.  This is a self-supporting way of increasing our personal power, and a very positive way of accounting for our personal resources.

We all know that this year has been tough for many people.  We know that Christmas is a busy and sometimes stressful time of year at the best of times.  And these are not the best of times.  So, I am offering you a chance to give yourself some permissions:

• permission to rest
• permission to have fun
• permission to say no to things you do not want to do, or have in your life
• permission to be successful
• permission to be creative
• permission to make a mistake
• permission to succeed
• permission to care for yourself
• permission to share your feelings
• permission to slow down
• permission to ........

Whatever your plans this Christmas, appreciate what you have in your life, and give yourself permission to know it!