This week I ran an online workshop on Power Dynamics as part of the TA Tribe Foundation programme.
We focussed mainly on ego states and transactions - how we invite others to take personal power from us, or how we might take it from others. We explored symbiosis - how we might get into unhealthy relationships where neither party are using their full set of ego state resources. We could have looked more closely at psychological contracting - understanding we have a right (power!) to ask for what we want. And we could have also looked at Rackets (loops of self-limiting beliefs). We only had six hours! And what we did cover facilitated interesting discussions and sharing of learning and experience.
We briefly talked about discounting - when we leave people out of a conversation, event, project etc we use our power in a negative way. The opposite - accounting - is much more powerful! Including, encouraging, supporting people to contribute.
We also briefly talked about strokes and stroking patterns - how we do not 'hear' some strokes (a stroke is a unit of recognition - so a thank you, being listened to, appreciated). Filtering out strokes is a way of preventing ourselves from being potent - ie, powerful!
Permissions are powerful. The permissions we give to others can have a profound affect. I was given a 'bullseye' permission by Jean Illsley-Clarke (a much respected human being and TA trainer and author) when I first met her in 2004 that I treasure and have never forgotten. Do not underestimate the power of permissions!
What I mean here, is a supportive, verbalised (but not always) recognition of our beings and our abilities. A manager actively listening to a team member could be seen as that manager giving permission to think. Encouraging someone to contribute to a team meeting may be a permission to belong etc.
In this blog, I want to concentrate on the permissions we might give to ourselves. This is a self-supporting way of increasing our personal power, and a very positive way of accounting for our personal resources.
We all know that this year has been tough for many people. We know that Christmas is a busy and sometimes stressful time of year at the best of times. And these are not the best of times. So, I am offering you a chance to give yourself some permissions: